M A R R I A G E S ------
ONCE UPON A TIME
Krishna M.
Gutala
It is amusing to think of the past
once a while, sitting quietly, perhaps with closed eyes, and reflect on how
changes slowly take place regarding various aspects of one’s life. Seniors and
super-seniors would, of course, have a larger canvas. To expand the experience
further, one could zoom back in time to the previous half-century, or century,
and recollect how things were then. There are various aspects of life that one
can pick up for this exercise. I intend to dwell upon the event of marriage, in
this back-play. How that institution was
at that time.
An important and
significant event in one’s life is marriage. A prominent milestone in the
journey of one’s life. A turning point,
a new orientation in life, with new obligations and responsibilities.
Matrimony involves various stages,
including rituals. Of course, these also may differ from region to region, as
also caste. But, what I am going to relate may be taken as typical information
concerning middle class Telugu families in Andhra area, at that point of time.
Needless to say,
that the first stage of this matrimony process, is the search for a bride or
bridegroom, considering the fact that arranged marriages was the only practice
then prevailing. Those were days when there were no ‘ matrimony.com ’s then
existing, nor even Private Organizations/Societies ( which sprang up in the
last quarter of the last century), where both bride-seekers as well as
groom-seekers could, on some payment, register all pertinent data regarding the
bride or groom, as also the expectations concerning the match they are wishing
to seek, and, once a while, parents could visit the Society, and enquire the
latest data-base, in the category they were interested. In the earlier years,
it was mostly the family Priest (who would be the Priest in many households)
who functioned as marriage agent, or some close relatives and friends. Well,
depending on their good fortune, sooner or later, a suitable match, as near as
possible to their expectations, could be found.
The next step was
to fix a date for the families of the bride and groom, to get together for
‘Pelli Choopulu’ (the meet for not only the bride and groom seeing each other,
but also their families). In the era of
arranged marriages, the boy and girl have not seen each other till then. This
‘seeing’ ritual would be hosted by the bride’s family, and would be in their
house, on an auspicious day fixed by the family Priest. When the groom’s family
is received by the host (bride’s father), the bride would not be seen, but
subsequently ‘brought’ by her Mom, after completion of preliminary courtesies. In
conservative households, the Mom brings the daughter, and let her sit on a mat
or carpet, spread in front of the groom’s family. In later decades, not only that
the girl also would sit on a chair like others, but also, the boy and girl could
even meet privately in another room, where they could talk to, and know more
about each other.
After the above
meet, both families would seriously consider all the aspects of the match wrt
physical features, education, and job prospects etc. If satisfied, the boy’s
father conveys the acceptance. After this happy culmination, the wedding is
planned. The auspicious day and time (muhoortam) of the wedding is fixed by the
Priest.
In small towns and
rural areas, there would be no marriage halls. Weddings were performed in the
bride’s house itself. In that case, suitable accommodation for the groom’s
party had to be arranged, as near to the bride’s house as possible. Close
relatives and friends would spare some portions of their houses, and help the
bride’s family. In those days, there were no big hotels to answer this need. It
was not easy to get the accommodation near to the bride’s place. On the wedding
day, and even the next day, there used to be need for the bride and groom to
make trips between the places of the bride and groom. These were being done in
Palanquins (Doli), inside which the bride and groom sit facing each other.
Thrilling moments. Occasional intersecting looks. Blushing bride. No talk but
only looks! The first occasion for both to be so near (yet far). As years
rolled by, Palanquins just disappeared.
The wedding rituals would spread for two, or
even three days, in middle class families, and even five, in rich families. The
rituals were mostly of religious type, but some meant for more interaction
between the bride and groom. An interesting ritual used to be, putting a ring
in a brass or silver vessel, filled half with water. The bride and groom
simultaneously thrust their hands into the vessel, to take out the ring.
Whoever takes out first, wins! Yet
another sport used to be ‘play of the flower-ball’. The next day after the
wedding, in the evening, the close relatives of bride and groom, gather to
witness the ‘flower-ball game’, played by the newly-weds. Flowers are stitched
into a ball, which can be thrown like any ordinary ball. The bride and groom
sit on a mat or carpet, seven or eight feet apart. Relatives congregate behind them, to cheer them
up and boost morale! The bride throws the ball trickishly to the groom, who
should correctly catch, and instantly throw it back. Each time any one of them
misses catching the ball, loses a point. Some limit is set for the sport. The
one who first reaches the limit, is the loser!
Depending on duration of wedding, there could be other types of ‘games’.
These rituals were mainly meant to bring the bride and groom closer.
The last item in
the marriage rituals, used to be the marriage procession in the night, with a
musical band leading it. A large number of relatives and friends of both the
bride and groom families, would be in the walking procession, led by the
decorated Car carrying the newly weds, and the loud band reeling out popular
tunes. The procession moves along the main streets of the town, and
occasionally stops for a while, at main crossroads, or at houses of very close
relatives and friends. Actually, the bride and groom seem to get quiet rest and
relaxation in this event, after the hectic rituals, one after another, in the
previous two days, sitting before ‘homams’ spewing smoke. Now comes the eagerly
awaited time, to sit quietly side by side, with hand in hand. A well deserved
rest. They felt that this would be the finest hour, to start with, in their
newly wedded life. Occasionally, the car would also stop at some cool-drinks
shop, for them to have grape juice, or whatever they wish. A half-an-hour thus passes blissfully. Then
see what happens! Some relative, an elderly
mom, at the time the procession stops, opens the car door of the back seat, and
dumps her two young kids beside the wedding couple, closes the door, and
returns to the procession. All this, to escape the trouble the kids were giving
her, in walking along in the procession. Though embarrassing, the bride and
groom, somehow, reluctantly put up with the inconvenience. Little could they imagine that the lady who left her
kids in the car, would become a role-model for other moms, inspiring them also to
do likewise. In the next quarter of an hour, so many kids were dumped, that the
bride and groom become invisible, and only a group of fighting children could
be seen in the back seat!
Well, that is
something regarding marriages, once upon a time!
An overall
lesson from this
narration:
There cannot be
pleasure without pain.
They are the two sides
of the coin
of life!
ACCEPT
THEM GRACEFULLY
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