Inter-personal Relationships

07/09/2004

Anudhvaygakaram vaakyam sathyam priya hitham cha yath
Swaadhhyaa yaabhyasanam chaiva vaangmayam Thapa uchyatheh
(Bhagavad Geetha)
(Words causing no excitement, gentle words ever true, endearing and
beneficial, those that you say in murmured reading of a sacred writ, ----
these make the true austerity of speech)
- - - - - - - - - -
Hello Everybody ! Sukravaaram Suprabhaath !

Today we will give some thought to inter-personal relationships. They are
of considerable importance, and have a significant role to play in causing
happiness, or otherwise, in our lives. Except when asleep, or left to oneself
doing some activity alone, or just musing and admiring the beauty of, or cursing
the ugliness of, this creation - - -, everyone is dealing with someone else all the
time, someone from the innermost to the outermost circles, from the spouse,
children, relatives, nybors and friends, to colleagues, superiors or subordinates,
or strangers etc. We are engaged in some kind of interaction or other, with
someone or the other, most of the time in our lives. And we expect and hope
for smooth sailing. We ever hope and wish for a congenial environment that is
conducive to peace and happiness. For achieving this, our own contribution
towards it, is absolutely essential. However, for promoting and obtaining such a
cordial social atmosphere, some basics would be of much help :
1. One should not, directly or indirectly, hurt other's feelings as far as
possible. Unknowingly perhaps sometimes one cannot help it, but never do so
knowingly and wilfully.
2. One has to be open and broadminded, and be ever prepared to learn
and improve thru experience. It is not that bad to sometime commit a mistake,
as not to learn from it and make it again.
3. No two people in this world are totally alike in their concepts, ways of
thinking, attitudes and approaches. Hence, tolerance for each other's views,
and, mutual give-and-take in our dealings, is quite necessary.
4. Misunderstandings and misapprehensions between any two, are not
unnatural, and should not be taken too seriously. They are like waves on an
ocean, and be taken to be superficial and transient. Forgiveness is benevolent.
Impulsiveness leads to many an avoidable problem.
5. The best way to be happy is to try to make others be. Such a bene-
volent attitude, and a concerted effort to put it into practice, would surely
be conducive to overall happiness and well-being.
6. The one most common fault that one tends to commit is to often find
fault with others (sometimes mistakenly or even out of ignorance). None in the
world is faultless; only thing is one cannot look at one's back. What one thinks
may be right; but to insist that that alone is right, is not right. The corollaries in
this connection are: proceeding on hurried assumptions, contradicting others
unnecessarily, and, speaking hastily before thinking well.
7. Another peculiar incidence w.r.t. some: They do, without any scruple,
what they forbid others to do. Conversely, if others do something which they
themselves did, they find fault. Such inconsistencies in mutual dealings be
better avoided.
8. In inter-personal relations, especially at domestic level, the importance
and significance of little acts and favors is, in general, grossly under-estimated.
It is said: 'Courtesy costs little but pays much'. Similarly, little things, little acts,
gestures, even just looks or expressions, have a great impact on the other
person. One normally overlooks this. Doing a little thing which the other likes,
or conversely, not doing something which the other utterly dislikes, - - - these
act like lubricants in the running of the social machine. Of course, the above
should be mutual and not one-sided only !
9. Another aspect in inter-personal relationships, mainly within the family,
is the bottling up of feelings, grouses, and revengeful thoughts, which build up
harmful pressures, only to burst out sometime or other, causing damage to the
relationships.Arguments and frictions exist universally, and are not the monopoly
of a few. But the wiser among them, at the earliest opportunity, open up their
minds to each other, to better understand respective view points, and make
attempts to compromise.
10. Over-selfishness is the root cause of many an ill in life. The world and
the community are not exclusively cut out to cater to just our needs, and fulfil
just our desires. One has to think of the good and well-being of one and all. For
this, is needed purity of mind, devoid of ego-centricism, ill-will, jealousy and envy,
hatred and discrimination, and be coupled with love, tolerance and cooperation.
Such an attitude in inter-personal relations, at any level whatsoever, would be
conducive to not only one's own peace of mind and happiness, but that of the
entire community as well.
Think good, do good, be good;
That's how thy life be should.

To put the above in a nutshell, for good inter-personal relationships:
1. Avoid hurting other's feelings as far as possible.
2. Be open and broadminded. Learn and improve thru experience.
3. No two in this world are alike in all respects. Hence develop tolerance
and a give-and-take attitude.
4. Any misunderstandings be taken to be as waves on an ocean. Hence are
in general, superficial and transient.
5. The best way to be happy is, to try to make others be.
6. Avoid fault-finding in others. Also contradicting unnecessarily,
and speaking in haste.
7. ' Do what I say, not as I do ' attitude be eschewed. Judge putting
yourself in the other's position.
8. Little things, little acts make much impact, and lubricate social interactions.
Do not underestimate them.
9. Do not bottle up feelings. Talk out, understand other's viewpoint,
and attempt compromise.
10. Avoid being over-selfish. Consider the good and well-being of all.
- - - - - - - -
Human psychology is so complex, and there could be over a score of above
such desirabilities; the above are, of course, a few of them.